Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.1 This is one

Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.1 This is one

Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.1 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write sentences well. Please view this unit as a slide show. This unit includes about 135 slides. Each slide includes three columns. The left column presents editing cues and problematic text. The middle column repeats the text and permits editing. The right column presents model answers and commentary. Examine these three columns now: Problem Column Editing Column (wordy) Contrary to what was reported earlier. . . Contrary to what was reported earlier. . . Model Column Way to go! If you are viewing this slide in a slide show, then please press the right arrow on your keyboard and reveal the model column. Press the down arrow to reveal your editing tools.

Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved For editing you can use: the cursor to mark text; the mouse and the keyboards arrows to move the cursor; and the four shortcut keys below: Short Cut Function ctrl-c copy marked text ctrl-x cut marked text ctrl-v paste marked text To remember the short cut for paste, think of the v as the first letter in Velcro. Press the down arrow to cut some words. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

In the editing column, use your tools to cut the needless words. Problem Column (wordy) Contrary to what was reported earlier. . . Editing Column Model Column Contrary to what was reported earlier. . . Contrary to previous reports . . . # 181 Press the right arrow to reveal the model revision. Compare your revision with the model. Is your revision as concise? Do both revisions have about the same meaning as the original (in the problem column)? Press the down arrow to learn more about revising. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved In the model columns, Ive provided professional revisions, but there is no absolutely right revision for revisions vary across editors. Indeed, one editor may revise many times, over many days.

Moreover there is the issue of context. In this unit you usually will be editing text without much context such as a next sentence or the paragraph in which the text could appear. So what should you do? Given the cue, such as wordy, revise as best you can. If you can think of several revisions then enter them. Crafting multiple revisions now sans context, will help you edit later with context. As you revise more and more text and approximate the model answers your style will become increasingly like that of an experienced editor. In the process, you will be acquiring a basic skill that will help you edit when text appears in context! Press the down arrow for a request for your help. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved You will be using the first edition of this unit. So it is very possible that your revisions are better than mine. If so, could you forward them to me here? Please include the version number of this unit (see the top of Slide 1) and the number of the slide as it appears in the model revision column, for example, # 102. If your revision is helpful, then with your consent I will use your revision and add your name to the list of contributors here. Press the down arrow for advice about skill learning. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

Factors that promote skill learning and their location in these instructional materials are listed in the table below. Please review the table. Four Factors that Promote Skill Learning Location instructions or advice see web page that corresponds to this unit examples see above practice revising the many texts in this unit constructive feedback comparing your revisions with the model revisions Practice is vital. It is best to study for 20 minutes daily and carefully work through the slides, typing revisions, comparing, etc. After each session, store this unit on your computer. Then retrieve the unit the next day as needed to

finish the unit. Press the down arrow for advice about the next step. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved When you have finished a unit, the best next step is not to move on to a new unit but to review your revisions. If you have been storing this unit then you have been storing your revisions. So review them! This is what experienced researchers do; sometimes they revise more than ten times. In this regard, consider Lee J. Cronbachs comments in his "Four Psychological Bulletin Articles in Perspective, (Psychological Bulletin, 1992, 112, 389-392): In the days before word processors, I found 10 retypings of a manuscript none too many, and that implies many rereadings by me. Pages going back to my typist often carried scribbles in five colors, each new color representing an additional reading. Always, one sees floating pronouns to anchor, sentences to clarify or vivify, paragraphs to move, digressions to delete. . . I advise the inexperienced writer to leave a near-final draft in a drawer for a few weeks and, returning to it fresh, to read it aloud. Try to listen through the ears of a graduate student new to the paper, indeed, new to the topic. Press the down arrow to reveal another tool. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved As you work through this unit, you will be encountering the slides in a fixed order. So, when you finish this unit and seek to review your work, it may be desirable to present the slides in a new order. Reordering is possible with a module written in Visual Basic for Applications.

Below, is an image of the window you must access to run the module. Press the down arrow to learn about accessing the macro window Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved You can access the macro window when not in slide show mode. So, stop the slide show and press Alt-F8. When the window appears, press the run button. An hour-glass icon will appear on your screen. Randomizing the slides may require 50 seconds patiently wait for the icons removal. Of course, you must then restart the slide show to begin practicing. Just advance to the slide with the green bar below. One last note. Its always possible to shorten text, but your job is to revise while preserving the original texts meaning. There you have it. Practice and learn! --MLD Go for it! Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a participant section, wordy) One adult male participant, age 22, was recruited voluntarily from an introductory psychology course to participate.

One adult male participant, age 22, was recruited voluntarily from an introductory psychology course to participate. A 22 year-old man, studying introductory psychology, volunteered. I cut to participate as this description is in a participant section. You could also shorten the subjectverb distance: From an introductory psychology course, a 22 year-old man volunteered. # 21 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, combine) Future work should look at how age and gender combine to determine verbal skill. None of the previous research has shown any findings on gender as it relates to age and verbal skill.

Future work should look at how age and gender combine to determine verbal skill. None of the previous research has shown any findings on gender as it relates to age and verbal skill. Little explored but worth studying are how age and gender combine to determine verbal skill. # 19 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) The studies included in this critical review were required to examine the roles of exercise, diet, or supplements on body weight. The studies included in this critical review were required to examine the roles of exercise, diet, or supplements on body weight. This review critically examines

studies of the effects of exercise, diet, or supplements on body weight. # 122 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy) Frank was also obsessed with the idea that a broken piece of glass or metal would be brought into his home via someones shoes or clothes, and that this would harm his children in some way. Frank was also obsessed with the idea that a broken piece of glass or metal would be brought into his home via someones shoes or clothes, and that this would harm his children in some way. Frank also obsessed about his children being harmed by a sharp glass or metal fragment brought home via shoes or clothing.

# 128 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, nominalization) Moreover, these data are in line with previous findings that have highlighted the differences between obsessions and worries. Moreover, these data are in line with previous findings that have highlighted the differences between obsessions and worries Moreover, these data support previous findings that have differentiated obsessions from worries. # 132 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

(from a discussion section, wordy) Of the six subscales, Checking, Ordering, and Washing emerged as significant predictors of reactive obsessions. Of the six subscales, Checking, Ordering, and Washing emerged as significant predictors of reactive obsessions. Of the six subscales, Checking, Ordering, and Washing significantly predicted reactive obsessions. # 133 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) A large body of research has been conducted relating to verbal skills, particularly studying how age differences, young versus old, effect verbal skills.

A large body of research has been conducted relating to verbal skills, particularly studying how age differences, young versus old, effect verbal skills. Many researchers have studied how verbal skills increase with age. Note: Dont just write about changes; tell your reader the direction and possibly the magnitude of the change. #3 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, nominalization) The Piagetian influence has been pervasive in the research of both the neo-Piagetian and information processing approaches. The Piagetian influence has been pervasive in the research of both the

neo-Piagetian and information processing approaches. Piaget has pervasively influenced neo-Piagetian and information processing research. Piagetian theory has pervasively influenced neo-Piagetian and information processing research. # 138 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) These alignment strategies appear to present an effective means for dealing with the various planning difficulties associated with the load of creating and composing various items on the two-dimensional plane. These alignment strategies appear to present an effective means for dealing with the various planning difficulties associated with the load of creating and composing various

items on the two-dimensional plane. These alignment strategies facilitate creating and composing items on a plane. # 145 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion, wordy, unclear) It appears that exposure to our tasks that varied two- and three-dimensional media may have inspired these younger children to aspire to a more realistic representation of the themes within the pictorial medium. It appears that exposure to our tasks that varied two- and three-dimensional media may have inspired these younger children to aspire to a more realistic representation of the themes within the pictorial medium.

Perhaps because the younger children worked with two- and three-dimensional media they may have more realistically represented the pictorial themes. # 146 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy, nominalization) However, as our study progressed, one could see that many of these children unexpectedly started to express some dissatisfaction with their drawings. However, as our study progressed, one could see that many of these children unexpectedly started to express some dissatisfaction with their drawings. However, as the study continued we surprisingly discovered that many of these children became

dissatisfied with their drawings. # 147 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, nominalization) These two periods of consolidation are both dependant not only on protein synthesis but also on protein kinase A (PKA) (Bourtchouladze et al., 1998) and nRNA synthesis (Igaz et al., 2002). These two periods of consolidation are both dependant not only on protein synthesis but also on protein kinase A (PKA) (Bourtchouladze et al., 1998) and nRNA synthesis (Igaz et al., 2002). These two periods of consolidation depend on protein synthesis, protein kinase A (PKA) (Bourtchouladze et al., 1998), and nRNA synthesis (Igaz et al., 2002).

# 158 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, subject-verb distance) Lesions to the hippocampal formation in rats (Clark et al., 2000) and monkeys (Zola et al, 2000) and to the perirhinal and postrhinal cortices in rats (Bussey et al., 1999) have been shown to impair recognition memory. Lesions to the hippocampal formation in rats (Clark et al., 2000) and monkeys (Zola et al, 2000) and to the perirhinal and postrhinal cortices in rats (Bussey et al., 1999) have been shown to impair recognition memory. Lesions to the hippocampal formation in rats (Clark et al., 2000) and monkeys (Zola et al, 2000) and to the perirhinal and

postrhinal cortices in rats (Bussey et al., 1999) impair recognition memory. Above, the distance between the subject lesions and verb impair is quite long. Below is a version with a short distance between the subject memory and the verb is impaired: Recognition memory is impaired by lesions to the hippocampal formation in rats (Clark et al., 2000) and monkeys (Zola et al, 2000) and to the perirhinal and postrhinal cortices in rats (Bussey et al., 1999). # 159 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy, nominalization) Additionally, microinjections of morphine or another analgesic could be administered into various regions in the descending nociceptive pathway. This is one

way that it could be determined which pathway was being used. Additionally, microinjections of morphine or another analgesic could be administered into various regions in the descending nociceptive pathway. This is one way that it could be determined which pathway was being used. Additionally, morphine or another analgesic could be microinjected into various regions of the descending nociceptive pathway, to determine the pathway. To determine the pathway, morphine or another analgesic could be microinjected into various regions of the descending nociceptive pathway. # 164 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy)

In the decision to pool variances . . . . In the decision to pool variances . . . . In deciding to pool variances . . . . # 184 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) A major impetus for conducting research on compliance was . . . A major impetus for conducting research on compliance was . . . A major reason for studying compliance was . . . # 186 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

(wordy, nominalization) The data records should be subject to examination to verify their accuracy. The data records should be subject to examination to verify their accuracy. The data records should be examined to verify their accuracy. The data records should be verified. The data records should be audited. The data should be verified. The data should be audited. # 187 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, combine) Sweets are something that most children enjoy. They may even live on different continents.

Sweets are something that most children enjoy. They may even live on different continents. Sweets are enjoyed by most children, worldwide. # 266 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved ((from ) an introduction, wordy, combine) Introduced by Autor (1960), the concurrent chains procedure is used commonly in basic behavior analytic research. The procedure utilizes schedules of reinforcement that are simultaneously available . Introduced by Autor (1960), the concurrent chains procedure is used commonly in basic behavior analytic research. The procedure utilizes schedules of reinforcement

that are simultaneously available . Introduced by Autor (1960) and frequently used in basic behavior analytic research, the concurrent chains procedure presents schedules of reinforcement that are simultaneously available. or: Frequently used in basic behavior analytic research, the concurrent chains procedure presents simultaneously available schedules of reinforcement (Autor, 1960). # 283 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, word choice, combine) Feminist issues have changed throughout the years, generally falling into several stronger waves of feminism. Issues have been the right to vote, traditional social roles and social spheres and

egalitarianism. Feminist issues have changed throughout the years, generally falling into several stronger waves of feminism. Issues have been the right to vote, traditional social roles and social spheres and egalitarianism. Feminists first fought for equal voting rights, later questioned traditional social roles and spheres of influence, and today champion egalitarianism. The project's goal is . . . # 303 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a methods section, wordy, combine) A data sheet needed to be prepared so that data could be accurately recorded. The data sheet needed to

include the trial number, the verbal response, and the latency to respond. A data sheet needed to be prepared so that data could be accurately recorded. The data sheet needed to include the trial number, the verbal response, and the latency to respond. Data were recorded on a linedtable with three columns (trial number, verbal response, and response latency). #8 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, parallelism) Post-hoc tests were then run to find out where the differences among the three groups lay in terms of verbal skill. Tests were conducted between the youngest participants and the oldest participants and also between these participants and the group of participants of

intermediate age. Post-hoc tests were then run to find out where the differences among the three groups lay in terms of verbal skill. Tests were conducted between the youngest participants and the oldest participants and also between these participants and the group of participants of intermediate age. Post-hoc tests revealed that the oldest participants were more verbal (present mean here) than were the youngest participants (present mean and inferential statistics here), with both of these groups being about as verbal as the middle-aged participants (present mean and inferential statistics here). Dont just write about changes; tell your reader the direction and the magnitude of the change. # 11 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights

Reserved (first sentence of discussion section, wordy, combine) Based on these results, we can therefore conclude that our original hypothesis received support. We did in fact find that as age increased verbal skill also increased. Based on these results, we can therefore conclude that our original hypothesis received support. We did in fact find that as age increased verbal skill also increased. As hypothesized, as participants age increased so did their verbal skill. Less friendly: As hypothesized, participants age correlated positively with their verbal skill. As hypothesized, participants age increased with their verbal skill. # 12 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights

Reserved (from a results section, wordy) When trying to determine whether the number of trials the participants did affected their responses, the means of the first ten trials and the means of the last ten trials were compared. For the first ten trials the average number of responses was 14.7 and for the last ten trials the average was 34.6. When trying to determine whether the number of trials the participants did affected their responses, the means of the first ten trials and the means of the last ten trials were compared. For the first ten trials the average number of responses was 14.7 and for the last ten trials the average was 34.6. Participants responses increased from the first ten trials (M = 14.7) to the last ten trials (M = 34.6; F (X, Y) = X.XX , p = .01, 2 = .ZZ). Along with the means, there should

appear: an appropriate inferential statistic, probability level, and measure of variance explained. # 29 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved Flesh and blood character: (from a discussion section, wordy) In the future a recommendation should be made that the time of day during which the study was conducted be specified when studying latency to respond. In the future a recommendation should be made that the time of day during which the study was conducted be specified when studying latency to respond. When studying response latency, future researchers should note the time when sessions are conducted. When studying response latency,

future researchers should note when sessions are conducted. No flesh and blood character: When studying response latency, the time when sessions are conducted should be specified. Studies of response latency should note when sessions are conducted. # 30 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a participant section, wordy, combine) Twenty college students of both genders attending the university volunteered to participate in the study. Before conducting the experiment, each participant signed an agreement giving informed consent. No payment was received for the participation in this study. Twenty college students of both genders attending the university volunteered to participate in the study. Before conducting the

experiment, each participant signed an agreement giving informed consent. No payment was received for the participation in this study. Participants were 20 male and 20 female undergraduates who had voluntarily given informed consent, without promise of monetary payment. # 40 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an abstract, wordy) Participants in this study included males and females between the ages of 18 and 30 who were asked to exercise daily as well as a complete a number of cognitive tests weekly. Participants in this study included males and females between the ages of 18 and 30 who were asked to exercise daily as well as a complete a number of cognitive tests weekly

Participants were men and women, ages 18-30, who daily followed an exercise protocol and weekly completed a battery of cognitive tests. Participants were men and women, ages 18-30, who followed an exercise protocol daily and completed a battery of cognitive tests weekly. Protocol refers to a plan that details activities. #55 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved # (from a disccussion section, wordy) The data indicate that in order to do better in school, students should enroll in courses for which they have a high interest level. It is much more difficult for students to recall information in personally uninteresting courses no matter how

hard they may work because they do not process the information at as deep a level as they do when the course is interesting. The data indicate that in order to do better in school, students should enroll in courses for which they have a high interest level. It is much more difficult for students to recall information in personally uninteresting courses no matter how hard they may work because they do not process the information at as deep a level as they do when the course is interesting. Our data suggest that students can best recall information when they have deeply processed the information. Because such processing likely occurs when material is interesting, students may do best by enrolling in interesting courses. # 82

Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, just before method section, wordy) Utilizing a 2 x 2, between-subjects design, the current study manipulated two independent variables (type of learning and orienting task). One dependent variable (word recall) was studied. Based on LOP theory (Craik & Lockhart, 1972), the current study devised two distinct hypotheses. It was hypothesized that a significant main effect would be seen between shallow (orthographic) and deep (semantic) orienting tasks. It was also hypothesized that types of learning would not yield a significant main effect. Indeed, similar recall should be seen between incidental learning and intentional learning. Utilizing a 2 x 2, between-subjects design, the current study manipulated two independent

variables (type of learning and orienting task). One dependent variable (word recall) was studied. Based on LOP theory (Craik & Lockhart, 1972), the current study devised two distinct hypotheses. It was hypothesized that a significant main effect would be seen between shallow (orthographic) and deep (semantic) orienting tasks. It was also hypothesized that types of learning would not yield a significant main effect. Indeed, similar recall should be seen between incidental learning and intentional learning. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved To explore LOP theory, the current study crossed type of learning (incidental vs. intentional) with orienting task (deep versus shallow). Word recall, the dependent measure, was hypothesized to be affected only by orienting task (Craik &

Lockhart, 1972). A more specific last sentence might be: Word recall, the dependent measure, was hypothesized to only be a function of orienting task with recall be higher in the intentional than in the incidental condition (Craik & Lockhart, 1972). # 90 (from a discussion section, wordy, cohesion, revise both sentences) It is possible that the size of the questionnaire limited the results of the experiment. Perhaps, a larger questionnaire that assessed a larger range of qualities would have more reliability than the six question one that we used. It is possible that the size of the questionnaire limited the results of the experiment. Perhaps, a larger questionnaire that assessed a larger range of qualities would have more reliability than the six question one that we used.

Our experiment may have failed because our questionnaire included just six items. More items would have permitted more reliably assessing many qualities. Notice how the first sentences end links with the second sentences beginning. # 151 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, word choice) The studies that have been conducted are at least 20 years outdated, and because cultural practices change rapidly, an updated sample is needed. The studies that have been conducted are at least 20 years outdated, and because cultural practices change rapidly, an updated sample is needed.

These issues were last examined 20 years ago. Over this time cultural practices change rapidly, so new research is needed. # 302 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved Because undergraduates were required to participate, a replication with volunteers who have not attended college would be interesting. (from a discussion, wordy, induction problem) Additionally, the fact that undergraduates were used and they were required to participate is a potential limitation of the study. Additionally, the fact that undergraduates were used and they were required to participate is a potential

limitation of the study. In science, the generality of a relationship is rarely based on random sampling from a population. Instead it is based on biased sampling to see if the relation holds across different biased samples. So having college students in Milwaukee participate may be a first step; the next step might be having grandmothers at a spa participate. Will the relationship hold for the new sample? (About this issue, click here!) # 84 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a methods section, consistent subject, wordy, punctuation) If the particpant interpreted the word to be unpleasant, they were asked to circle "U". If the participant interpreted the word to be unpleasant, they were asked to circle "U". If participants found the word

unpleasant, they were to circle U. In American English, the period always precedes the closing quotation mark. # 95 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (first two sentences of discussion, wordy, combine) The hypothesis that level of prescribed exercise will enhance memory was supported in this study for male and female subjects and young and old subjects. These findings are consistent with findings from other researchers. The hypothesis that level of prescribed exercise will enhance memory was supported in this study for male and female subjects and young and old subjects. These findings are consistent with findings from other researchers.

Regardless of the participants age or sex, as in other studies, level of prescribed exercise enhanced memory. # 56 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy, induction problem) This study is limited because it was conducted with college students completing a research methods course, and can therefore only be generalized to similar students. This study is limited because it was conducted with college students completing a research methods course, and can therefore only be generalized to similar students. Because only undergraduates participated, this study should be replicated with other types of

participants. In science, the generality of a relationship is rarely based on random sampling from a population. Instead it is based on biased sampling to see if the relation holds across different biased samples. So having college students in Milwaukee participate may be a first step; the next step might be having grandmothers at a spa participate. Will the relationship hold for the new sample? (About this issue, click here!) # 83 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, vague) These two studies are important because their implications directly coincide with what is being looked at here: the relation between activity level and verbal skill. The studies indicate that it is practice in social situations that changes verbal

skills. These two studies are important because their implications directly coincide with what is being looked at here: the relation between activity level and verbal skill. The studies indicate that it is practice in social situations that changes verbal skills. These two studies suggest that practice in social settings mediates the positive relation between activity level and verbal skill. Note: Dont just write about change; at least tell your reader the direction of the change. #6 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy) Smith and Jones (2011) main discovery in the experiment was that the older adults were the

greater was their verbal skill. Smith and Jones (2011) main discovery in the experiment was that the older adults were the greater was their verbal skill. For adults, as age increases verbal skill increases (Smith & Jones, 2011). For adults, verbal skill increases with age (Smith & Jones, 2011). # 44 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved Because undergraduates were required to participate, a replication with volunteers from who have not attended college would be interesting. (from a discussion, wordy, induction problem) Additionally, the fact that undergraduates were used and required to participate is

a potential limitation of the study. Additionally, the fact that undergraduates were used and required to participate is a potential limitation of the study. In science, the generality of a relationship is rarely based on random sampling from a population. Instead it is based on biased sampling to see if the relation holds across different biased samples. So having college students in Milwaukee participate may be a first step; the next step might be having grandmothers at a spa participate. Will the relationship hold for the new sample? (About this issue, click here!) # 84 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) In contrast, the nine year olds seemed to have approached drawings in this fashion before,

showing some awareness of the possibility to create the illusion of space. In contrast, the nine year olds seemed to have approached drawings in this fashion before, showing some awareness of the possibility to create the illusion of space. In contrast, the nine year olds appeared somewhat practiced in creating the illusion of space. # 139 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, nominalization) A basic assumption underlying the Piagetian theory is the notion of a close correspondence between drawing and conceptual development, both being governed and constrained by similar rules.

A basic assumption underlying the Piagetian theory is the notion of a close correspondence between drawing and conceptual development, both being governed and constrained by similar rules. Piagetian theory assumes a close correspondence between drawing and conceptual level, both being governed by similar rules. # 137 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, cohesion) In this section, we provide research evidence supporting the proposed distinction between autogenous and reactive obsessions. This work, conducted primarily by Smith and colleagues, includes a series of studies designed to test the hypothesized differences between

the two proposed obsession subtypes. In this section, we provide research evidence supporting the proposed distinction between autogenous and reactive obsessions. This work, conducted primarily by Smith and colleagues, includes a series of studies designed to test the hypothesized differences between the two proposed obsession subtypes. We presume that autogenous and reactive obsessions differ. This distinction has been supported by a series of studies primarily conducted by Smith and colleagues. In a sentences end, place the most important information. Then refer to this information in the next sentences beginning. obsessions differ. --->This distinction # 131

Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) In 1957, Luchins conducted three experiments regarding impression formation using two different paragraphs about a person named Jim. The purpose of the experiments was to discover whether primacy or recency played a more important role in impression forming. In 1957, Luchins conducted three experiments regarding impression formation using two different paragraphs about a person named Jim. The purpose of the experiments was to discover whether primacy or recency played a more important role in impression forming. To learn how early (primacy) and late (recency) information affect impressions, Luchins (1957) manipulated the order of

presentation of two paragraphs that described a person. # 149 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) In an attempt to intervene on negative thoughts and feelings, researchers have focused their efforts on . . . In an attempt to intervene on negative thoughts and feelings, researchers have focused their efforts on . . . To reduce negative thoughts and feelings, researchers have had participants . . . # 101 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

(from an introduction, wordy) Results of the literature search yielded 15 articles consistent with the selection critera for inclusion in this revew. Results of the literature search yielded 15 articles consistent with the selection critera for inclusion in this revew. Given the selection criteria, the literature review yielded 15 articles. I placed the text about the selection criteria at the sentences beginning so the sentence ends with what is important : 15 articles. Presumably those articles are later discussed. # 123 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy, nominalizations) A close inspection of this childs

drawing style reveals a use of simple undifferentiated figures, for which the separation and alignment of figures adequately compensates to create a clear and readable product that reflects her intelligent problem solving efforts in the two-dimensional realm. A close inspection of this childs drawing style reveals a use of simple undifferentiated figures, for which the separation and alignment of figures adequately compensates to create a clear and readable product that reflects her intelligent problem solving efforts in the two-dimensional realm. Close inspection of this childs drawing reveals that she intelligently positioned simple undifferentiated figures on a plane to form a clear visual composite. I dont understand what is a clear readable product. # 140

Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) In a related study, college students were administered a battery of instruments tapping a wide range of OCD symptoms. In a related study, college students were administered a battery of instruments tapping a wide range of OCD symptoms. In a related study, college students completed a battery of instruments tapping a wide range of OCD symptoms. # 134 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, nominalizations) ON cells have a facilitory effect on

nociception while OFF cells have an inhibitory effect on nociception (McGaraughty & Heinricher, 2002). ON cells have a facilitory effect on nociception while OFF cells have an inhibitory effect on nociception (McGaraughty & Heinricher, 2002). ON cells facilitate nociception while OFF cells inhibit nociception (McGaraughty & Heinricher, 2002). # 160 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, parallelism) These studies both indicate significant findings that younger participants (ages 18 -26) were less verbal than older participants who were between the ages of 60 to 75 years old.

These studies both indicate significant findings that younger participants (ages 18 -26) were less verbal than older participants who were between the ages of 60 to 75 years old. These studies indicate that younger persons (ages 18 -26) were less verbal than were older persons (ages 60-75). Unless otherwise specified, all differences are reliable in an introduction. #1 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a literature review, wordy, nominalization) Smith et al. provide a comprehensive analysis of research on exercise and obesity. Smith et al. provide a comprehensive analysis of research

on exercise and obesity. Smith et al. comprehensively analyze research on exercise and obesity. # 124 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved Ginkgo bilobas effects on learning and memory are being investigated, because studies have produced divergent results. ->The studies that have found gingko biloba to be effective include . . . . (from an introduction, wordy, nominalization, word choice) Ginkgo bilobas effects on learning and memory are currently under investigation, due to the fact that multiple studies have produced different results. Ginkgo bilobas effects on learning and memory are currently under

investigation, due to the fact that multiple studies have produced different results. Because studies of gingko bilobas effects on learning and memory have produced divergent results, new studies are in progress. --->These studies are being conducted by pharmaceutical companies. . . The first version would be appropriate if the next sentence began by describing the divergent results; the second version would be appropriate if the next sentence began by describing the new studies. In a sentences end, place the most important information. Then refer to this information in the next sentences beginning . # 114 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) Overall, the outcome of this study lead to the conclusion that for a child with moderate autism,

teaching components before composites was an effective strategy for the child speaking in terms of noun-verb-object units. Overall, the outcome of this study lead to the conclusion that for a child with moderate autism, teaching components before composites was an effective strategy for the child speaking in terms of noun-verb-object units. A child with moderate autism learned to speak with noun-verbobject units when the components were taught before the composite. # 246 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy) A one-way analysis of variance was used to measure the relation between age and verbal skill across males and females. With an alpha level of .01 verbal skill increased

with age for both male and females. A one-way analysis of variance was used to measure the relation between age and verbal skill across males and females. With an alpha level of .01 verbal skill increased with age for both male and females. A one-way analysis of variance revealed that across men and women verbal skill increased with age (F (1, 46) = 7.22 , p = .01, 2 = .34). Note: Statistics are in italics with the last one, 2, measuring strength of relationship. # 10 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) A composition entails the manipulation of basic elements of form and color on the two dimensional surface in such a way that their interaction as a whole

conveys meaning (Arnheim, 1988). A composition entails the manipulation of basic elements of form and color on the two dimensional surface in such a way that their interaction as a whole conveys meaning (Arnheim, 1988). When composing on a plane surface, artists manipulate form and color to convey meaning. (Arnheim, 1988). # 136 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, nominalizations, wordy) The primary objective of this review is to provide a critical evaluation of the existing literature regarding obesity. The primary objective of this review is to provide a critical

evaluation of the existing literature regarding obesity. This review critically evaluates research on obesity. This review critically evaluates obesity research. # 120 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a results section, wordy) There was not a significant main effect for food deprivation [ F(x, y) = xx.xx, p = .10, 2 = .01). There was not a significant main effect for food deprivation [ F(x, y) = xx.xx, p = .10, 2 = .01). Food deprivation did not affect speed of recall [ F(x, y) = xx.xx, p = .10, 2 = .01). It is best to specify the dependent variable.

# 79 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy, unclear) Considering childrens drawings as intelligent problem solving efforts in a medium that requires a sophisticated understanding of pictorial strategies for the representation of the missing third dimension enables us to come one step closer to understanding the diverse and creative world of childrens compositional strategies. Considering childrens drawings as intelligent problem solving efforts in a medium that requires a sophisticated understanding of pictorial strategies for the representation of the missing third dimension enables us to come one step closer to understanding the diverse and creative world of

childrens compositional strategies. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved By considering childrens drawings to creatively solve the problem of representing threedimensions on a plane, we can better understand childrens compositional strategies. # 144 (from a discussion section, wordy) The results from the two-way ANOVA did not support the primacy model for impression formation. The fact that an interaction was found between initial information and consistency indicates that the averaging hypothesis was the dominant model for impression formation. The results from the two-way ANOVA did not support the primacy model for impression formation. The fact that an

interaction was found between initial information and consistency indicates that the averaging hypothesis was the dominant model for impression formation. The interaction between initial information and consistency, is inconsistent with the primacy model but consistent with the averaging model of impression formation. I ended the sentence by referring to the averaging model, so the next sentence can cohesively provide elaboration. # 150 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy, nominalization) Several perinatal stressor variables (gestational age at birth, birth weight, complications rating, and days of hospital care) were expected to be predictive of scores

on the PPQ. Several perinatal stressor variables (gestational age at birth, birth weight, complications rating, and days of hospital care) were expected to be predictive of scores on the PPQ. Several perinatal stressor variables (gestational age at birth, birth weight, complications rating, and days of hospital care) were expected to predict scores on the PPQ. # 153 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved ((from ) an introduction, wordy, revise second sentence) In behavior analysis courses, these explanations are verboten. So, students must find a way to change

their explanations of behavior, so they are behavior analytic. In behavior analysis courses, these explanations are verboten. So, students must find a way to change their explanations of behavior, so they are behavior analytic. In behavior analysis courses, these explanations are verboten. So, students must offer acceptable explanations. In behavior analysis courses, these explanations are verboten. So, students must offer behavior analytic explanations. # 281 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) Piagetian and neo-Piagetian approaches doe not take into consideration the numerous compositional intentions of the various age groups and significant

individual differences in talent and training. Piagetian and neo-Piagetian approaches doe not take into consideration the numerous compositional intentions of the various age groups and significant individual differences in talent and training. Piagetian and neo-Piagetian approaches fail to consider how composition depends on the artists ages, talents, and training. # 141 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, word choice) Social scripts reflect practices that occur over and over again in a given situation and appear in dating practices.

Social scripts reflect practices that occur over and over again in a given situation and appear in dating practices. Social scripts reflect recurring, context-based practices that guide dating practices. # 304 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) Tool skills are abilities that act as a basis for acquiring a new higher-level skill. Tool skills are abilities that act as a basis for acquiring a new higher-level skill. Tool skills permit learning higherlevel skills. # 121 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights

Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) Eventually, the cards were substituted by a worksheet which contained the same printed thoughts. The client was asked to silently read the worksheet. Eventually, the cards were substituted by a worksheet which contained the same printed thoughts. The client was asked to silently read the worksheet. The client first silently read thoughts printed on cards and later thoughts printed on a worksheet. # 104 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) The comprehension scores in the review condition were higher than the scores attained in any of the

other conditions. The comprehension scores in the review condition were higher than the scores attained in any of the other conditions. The comprehension scores in the review condition were highest. The review condition yielded the highest scores. Highest scores were in the review condition. The third version, above, is probably best if the next sentence began like this: In that condition, participants twice read . . . # 207 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, nominalization) One of Frank's main concerns was that he would do something negligent that would result in harm

(e.g., mistakenly poisoning his children). One of Frank's main concerns was that he would do something negligent that would result in harm (e.g., mistakenly poisoning his children). Frank worried about negligently harming others (e.g., mistakenly poisoning his children). # 127 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a results section, wordy) Due to the primacy effect and the recency effect which recognizes that the first words and last words of a list are generally recalled easier than words in the middle of the list, the first two words and the last two words from the free recall responses were eliminated as possible correct choices (Craik & Lockhart, 1972, p.

680). Due to the primacy effect and the recency effect which recognizes that the first words and last words of a list are generally recalled easier than words in the middle of the list, the first two words and the last two words from the free recall responses were eliminated as possible correct choices (Craik & Lockhart, 1972, p. 680). Because words that begin and that end a list are best recalled, the first two words and the last two words on the list were disregarded when counting the number of words freely recalled. (Craik & Lockhart, 1972, p. 680). # 100 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) The various alternatives the

children may adopt should be analyzed with an emphasis on the thematic demands of each task, and with scoring criteria that are more fine-tuned to adequately address this issue. The various alternatives the children may adopt should be analyzed with an emphasis on the thematic demands of each task, and with scoring criteria that are more fine-tuned to adequately address this issue. To best understand the alternatives the children may adopt, precisely score each tasks thematic demands. # 143 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from methods section, wordy, combine) Coders scored the free recall

portion of the experiment using the 28 words from the master key. Coders matched free recall responses with the words from the list. One point was awarded for each correct recall. Coders scored the free recall portion of the experiment using the 28 words from the master key. Coders matched free recall responses with the words from the list. One point was awarded for each correct recall. Coders awarded one point for every word on the recall sheet that matched a word on the 28-word master key. # 99 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy) Statistical theory indicates this result can be expected to occur five

in one hundred times. Statistical theory indicates this result can be expected to occur five in one hundred times. Statistical theory indicates this result occurs about five in one hundred times. # 185 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) On the other hand, numerous studies demonstrate implicit forms of learning and memory that are not substantially affected by damage to the hippocampus or MTL (Keane et al. 1995; Stark and Squire 2000). On the other hand, numerous studies demonstrate implicit forms of learning and memory that are not substantially affected by damage to the hippocampus or MTL (Keane et

al. 1995; Stark and Squire 2000). Conversely, numerous studies demonstrate implicit forms of learning and memory that are not substantially affected by damage to the hippocampus or MTL (Keane et al. 1995; Stark and Squire 2000). Retrieved November 5, 2012 from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/ articles/PMC2078244/ # 157 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) Children need a healthy diet for normal growth and development, and Americans of all ages may reduce their risk of chronic disease by adopting a nutritious diet and engaging in their regular physical activity. Children need a healthy diet for

normal growth and development, and Americans of all ages may reduce their risk of chronic disease by adopting a nutritious diet and engaging in their regular physical activity. A healthy diet and regular exercise help children grow normally and can protect all Americans from chronic disease. These diseases include . . . . Children grow normally and all Americans are protected from chronic disease by eating healthy and exercising regularly. Other healthy behaviors include . . . A healthy diet must be nutritious, but a nutritious diet need not be healthy. # 115 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a procedure section, wordy, combine) In the research, the participant was

given instructions explaining that the purpose of this experiment was to see if going without food affected problem solving. The participant was told that their job would be to solve problems as quickly as possible. In the research, the participant was given instructions explaining that the purpose of this experiment was to see if going without food affected problem solving. The participant was told that their job would be to solve problems as quickly as possible. Participants were told that the experiment explored whether fasting affects problem solving and that they should solve problems most quickly. # 64 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

(from a participant section, wordy) The participants of the experiment were 24 college students who had given informed consent, which indicated that they were participating in the experiment on their own free will. The participants of the experiment were 24 college students who had given informed consent, which indicated that they were participating in the experiment on their own free will. Participants were 24 undergraduates who had given informed consent. Informed consent implies freely choosing participation after reviewing a description of the procedures. #66 # Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights

Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) Many people also have the social script for dating engrained in their minds that a man should pay for the first date or possibly all dates. Many people also have the social script for dating engrained in their minds that a man should pay for the first date or possibly all dates. Many people follow a social script that requires that a man pays expenses on dates. The project's goal is . . . # 301 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy) One thing to keep in mind for the future is to be careful when engaged in making a generalization

as this experiment only used undergraduate college students. One thing to keep in mind for the future is to be careful when engaged in making a generalization as this experiment only used undergraduate college students. Because this experiment used only undergraduates, the findings may not hold for others. # 57 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (first sentence of a results section, wordy) After the collection of data, the data were then statistically analyzed. After the collection of data, the data were then statistically analyzed. This sentence is completely uninformative. Better to begin the

results section with a description of the first analysis: To explore the relations between age and verbal skill, the correlation between these variables was calculated separately for men and for women. #9 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved ( from an introduction, wordy) A 36-day follow up was assessed. Findings show that SAFMEDS produced the best rates; positive thoughts increased and negative thoughts decreased. A 36-day follow up was assessed. Findings show that SAFMEDS produced the best rates; positive thoughts increased and negative thoughts decreased. After 36 days of using SAFMEDS, frequencies of positive thoughts increased and frequencies of

negative thoughts decreased. Here is an alternative revision: While using SAFMEDS for 36 days, frequencies of positive thoughts increased and . . . Note that I added frequencies to indicate the aspect of the thoughts that changed. # 105 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) For future attempts of this experiment there are several things that should be taken into consideration. Although an N the size of a non-pilot study may not be possible it may be advisable to increase the sample size at least marginally. For future attempts of this experiment there are several things that should be taken into consideration. Although an N the

size of a non-pilot study may not be possible it may be advisable to increase the sample size at least marginally. In several ways this experiment can be improved. First, the sample size should be increased. # 162 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction's end, wordy, combine) The hypotheses for this study are based on the results of Jones and Smith (2011) and subsequent research conducted by Graziano and Zimbra (2012). Jones and Smith (2011) proposed that extensive practice enhances recall. The hypotheses for this study are based on the results of Jones and Smith (2011) and subsequent

research conducted by Graziano and Zimbra (2012). Jones and Smith (2011) proposed that extensive practice enhances recall. As found in previous research (e.g, Graziano & Zimbra, 2012, Jones & Smith, 2011), we hypothesized that extensive practice enhances recall. If this is the introductions last sentence, then the sentence well links the introduction to the method section. # 73 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, combine) The participants in this study were all volunteers. Their ages were between 18 and 45. They were not paid for their participation or otherwise compensated.

The participants in this study were all volunteers. Their ages were between 18 and 45. They were not paid for their participation or otherwise compensated. Volunteers between the ages of 18 and 45 participated without compensation. # 16 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, nominalization) Frank had obsessions about making mistakes in his home that would endanger his three young children. Frank had obsessions about making mistakes in his home that would endanger his three young children. Frank obsessed about making mistakes at home that would endanger his three young children.

I thought about replacing making mistakes with a verb, but could not find a good replacement. # 126 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a results section, wordy, combine) A 2 x 2 between-subjects ANOVA was conducted to reveal the results. There was a significant main effect for type of task, [ F(x, y) = xx.xx, p < .005, 2 = .34). The older participants had significantly higher scores ( M = 29.6) than did the younger particpants (M =19.5). A 2 x 2 between-subjects ANOVA was conducted to reveal the results. There was a significant main effect for type of task, [ F(x, y) = xx.xx, p < .005, 2 = .34). The older particpants had significantly higher scores ( M = 29.6) than did the

younger particpants (M =19.5). A 2 x 2, between-subjects ANOVA revealed a main effect for type of task, with older participants answering more questions ( M = 29.6) than did younger participants (M =19.5, F(x, y) = xx.xx, p < .005, 2 = .34),). # 78 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) One factor tested by Hyde and Jenkins (1973) was the types of words on the word list. Hyde and Jenkins (1973) postulated that associated words would have a higher rate of recall than unassociated words due to level of processing. One factor tested by Hyde and Jenkins (1973) was the types of words on the word list. Hyde and

Jenkins (1973) postulated that associated words would have a higher rate of recall than unassociated words due to level of processing. Lists of words were comprised of either associated or unassociated words; the former were to have a higher rate of recall than were the later according to level of processing theory (Hyde & Jenkins, 1973). # 87 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, combine) Two separate studies were conducted to look at the relationship between age and verbal skill. Both found that verbal skill increases with age (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009).

Two separate studies were conducted to look at the relationship between age and verbal skill. Both found that verbal skill increases with age (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009). In two studies, age correlated positively with verbal skill (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009). Age correlates positively with verbal skill (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009). As adults age their verbal skill improves (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009). # 45 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, combine) Children more easily learn second languages than do adults. Perhaps

this is is true because children may best detect small acoustic differences. Children more easily learn second languages than do adults. Perhaps this is is true because children may best detect small acoustic differences. Children more easily learn second languages than do adults because adults may not readily detect small acoustic differences. Maintaining the same grammatical subject (children) in each clause can enhance comprehension: Children more easily learn second languages than do adults because children may best detect small acoustic differences. # 285 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

(from an introduction, wordy, combine) Introversion-extroversion has remained one of the most popular studies in psychology. A growing amount of research indicates that introversion-extroversion apparently accounts for much variability in personality. Introversion-extroversion has remained one of the most popular studies in psychology. A growing amount of research indicates that introversion-extroversion apparently accounts for much variability in personality. Introversion-extroversion has been extensively studied and appears to explain much variability in personality. Extensively studied, introversionextroversion appears to explain much variability in personality. # 32 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights

Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) It would be of interest to conduct this same study again with enough judges to have an 11 item scale. It would be of interest to conduct this same study again with enough judges to have an 11 item scale. It is desirable to replicate this study with enough judges to construct an 11-item scale. #166 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from a discussion section, wordy) There are several directions that this study could take. Instead of conducting the experiment with both noise and drug injection it could be separated to determine what was causing the hypoalgesia .

There are several directions that this study could take. Instead of conducting the experiment with both noise and drug injection it could be separated to determine what was causing the hypoalgesia . This study can be extended in several ways. First, noise and drug injection could be manipulated to determine their individual effects on hypoalgesia . # 163 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved For men, physical activity correlates positively with verbal skill (Jones, 2011). (from an introduction, wordy) Jones (2011) examined the verbal skill in men as a function of physical activity level. She found statistically significant evidence that the more physically active her

men subjects were, the higher their verbal skills. Jones (2011) examined the verbal skill in men as a function of physical activity level. She found statistically significant evidence that the more physically active her men subjects were, the higher their verbal skills. You can use the past tense to reduce confidence in a finding: For men, physical activity correlated positively with verbal skill (Jones, 2011). Or you can more explicitly reduce confidence: For men, physical activity reportedly correlates positively with verbal skill (Jones, 2011). Unless otherwise specified, all relations are reliable in an introduction. #7 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

(last sentence of abstract, wordy, combine) It was found that age and verbal skill correlated positively. Future studies should therefore control for age in studying verbal skill. It was found that age and verbal skill correlated positively. Future studies should therefore control for age in studying verbal skill. Because age and verbal skill correlate positively, studies of verbal skill should control for age. Because age and verbal skill covary, studies of verbal skill should control for age. # 62 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, combine) Two separate studies were conducted to look at the relation

between exercise and memory. As exercise levels increased so did short-term memory. Two separate studies were conducted to look at the relation between exercise and memory. As exercise levels increased so did short-term memory. In two studies as exercise levels increased short-term memory improved. In two studies exercise levels covaried with short-term memory. # 38 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy, combine) Of interest here is is the fact that a more physically active person deals a lot more with situations in which verbal skills are important. In a sense one could suggest that a more

physically active person would consequently have strong verbal skills. Of interest here is is the fact that a more physically active person deals a lot more with situations in which verbal skills are important. In a sense one could suggest that a more physically active person would consequently have strong verbal skills. Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved As people become more physically active they may communicate with others more and so their verbal skills may improve. #4 (from a discussion section, wordy) Until recently, it has been commonly believed that the role of the hippocampus is to encode the types of learning and memory that require conscious processing

(Manns, Clark, & Squire, 2000). Until recently, it has been commonly believed that the role of the hippocampus is to encode the types of learning and memory that require conscious processing (Manns, Clark, & Squire, 2000). Until recently, researchers have assumed that the hippocampus encodes the types of learning and memory that require conscious processing (Manns, Clark, & Squire, 2000). # 135 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (from an introduction, wordy) Autogenous obsessions usually take the form of thoughts, images, urges, or impulses . . . Autogenous obsessions usually take the form of thoughts, images, urges,

or impulses . . . Autogenous obsessions are usually thoughts, images, urges, or impulses . . . # 129 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved (wordy, () nominalization) The researchers conducted an examination of physical coordination, intellectual abilities, as well as auditory and visual perception. The researchers conducted an examination of physical coordination, intellectual abilities, as well as auditory and visual perception. The researchers examined physical coordination, intellectual

abilities, as well as auditory and visual perception. "And" could replace "as well as," but "as well as" best marks off "auditory and visual perception." # 272 Marshall Lev Dermer 2013 All Rights Reserved

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